Thorns have roses

Thorns have roses

My daughter, recently an unconserved adult, is now being visited by both of my parents. That is NOT a typo. Consequently, I have decided the following: 

  • I no longer need nor do I want to know about her relationship with my family. Period.
  • Do not bring it up in discussion.
  • It’s none of my business.

If I had to give myself a grade for how I prepared her for independent living, I’d have to give myself an A+. She is situated quite nicely with all necessary accoutrement so she can thrive. My job is done.

Now I enter into Phase II of my parenting experience: Loving from a distance and letting her live life on life’s terms. To deny her the opportunity to learn from her mistakes, choices is cruel and unusual punishment, in my humble opinion. Time for me to get out of God’s way.
What I know today is she has now stepped into her wilderness just as Jesus did; just as I did; just as all of us do. It’s time for her to live her life on life’s terms.
Nothing teaches better than personal experience. How do I explain the complexities of life except to let her uncover, discover on her very own. There’s no substitute for experience. She is in love with her Savior. She is ready.
Of course, when I told her I know she can’t keep a secret she hung up, don’t ya know? I knew intimately everything I said would get back to them. I don’t plan to say much about my personal life outside of church happenings, e.g., sermons, service, prayer room, CSSM, etc. I’ll be coaching my son though he gets it intimately. He’s seen it all.
It is my responsibility for me to guard my heart. No one can do that for me BUT me. I love my daughter but now that she is a young lady, she must now enjoy the bennies and the outright pains in the behind of life all by herself.
She’s beautiful but when I reflect on all of my rebelliousness, she’s just like me. How awesome is that? She is smart. Over a period of years, she’ll begin to understand intimately who the family is, as she should. However, she, through numerous third parties, will begin to recognize patterns that she won’t like too much.
I may or may not be alive when she reaches this epiphany but so what. She will enjoy the dignity afforded all of us: firsthand experience.
For 18+ years, I poured into her and she knows the Truth. Now it’s time for testing, her wilderness experience has just begun.
God is Jehovah Adonai: The LORD is Sovereign. He knows what’s best for her better than I. He loves her more than I. This will be tough for me but I know Who is in control.
Perhaps, it’s time for me to accept I never was in control. When I witnessed what he did for me TWICE in COURT, how could I not know HE IS MY GOD and he will love her perfectly and when she is done, He will be glorified.
This sounds like a job for God. Last time I checked, that wasn’t me.

Boricua Confidential chronicles my new life as a single mom of two kids after my husband died from cancer on our son’s seventh birthday. Join me on this journey of change, revival, reformation, discovery and new direction ordered of God. Being a widow ain’t easy, that’s for sure. I refuse to rollover and die. Quite the contrary. I intend to thrive from this crazy life. You can’t keep this woman down. If I’m down, I won’t be for long.

God created me to bounce back. Watch me.


  1. I am getting ready to do the same thing with my oldest, but more gradually since at 19 he is still living at home and may continue to do so through college. Strangely though it seems like he is getting closer to me during this time when others are distancing themselves from parents. Still I am learning to relate to him as a fellow adult rather than as a child and am finding that a delight. Sounds like you have a wonderful daughter, and I am looking forward to the day my son becomes truly independent in his own home.

  2. Sounds very good that you have/are learning to distance yourself from your daughter and her relationship with other people – even though they are people from your own family.

    She does have a right to get to know them on her own terms, to like or dislike them as seems best to her. It’s a wise parent who can acknowledge that and step back.

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