I recently had the hardest day at work as an intercessory missionary
I made a major miscalculation and reacted badly … in public, i.e., among brothers and sisters in Christ and the pastor’s wife. Yes, I did that. Hey, if I’m gonna mess up big, let it be B-I-G!!!
Despite resisting temptation to say something completely stupid, I DID something completely stupid. My attempt to go low and yield turned into a horror show starring me. I said one thing with completely different body language far louder than my voice.
For too long I have heard the same phrases about me and my performance. Basically, “She gets results but leaves dead bodies in her wake.” I am straight forward. I ask questions, set expectations and learn as quickly as possible.
I have no idea what a learning curve is. All I know is the line points straight up. No net. I pray but stopped expecting the miracle: a mentor. I need to be under someone who wasn’t abusive or female like my mother.
During that meeting, someone chose to take a chance on me and now I have a mentor. That’s right. My mistake has lead to a path toward healing. This is what mistakes are supposed to be for: growth.
I strongly believe church leadership now sees I will not be the last person who doesn’t get it. There’s no IM training, no handbook, internship program, etc. I was the guinea pig that hopefully will make it easier for those who come after me. They’re coming because we’ve been praying earnestly for more to come join us.
God also has decided it’s time for me to shake off the past and heal from character defects, which are assets out of balance. He said he’d heal me at this House of Prayer. Here’s my chance to actually benefit from my pain, as if I haven’t already. The difference is that I’m in a safe place. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
After a meeting with the pastor’s wife, the senior pastor and an amazing administrator, I apologized. I was shaking and a wreck in tears for the rest of that day. I hate crying yet was ravenous for tears. I thirsted for something but didn’t know what it was.
“Awake! Awake,” is what we’ve been praying. I’m awake. Think of a packaged piece of raw meat. Yeah, that’s me right now. However, this is a setup for me and church leadership. Growth is on the horizon.
Spiritually and emotionally speaking I was a forest dealing with a severe 45-year drought. The spark: my House of Prayer. It initiated a wildfire inside, one that was for my good, a refiner’s fire. It’s been raging uncontrolled and there’s been zero containment since 2011. Now it’s time to cull beauty from those ashes.
I desperately covet all spiritual gifts. I want to be a blessing. Now it’s time to order this blaze under control, Jesus’ control, for His glory and my betterment. I figured out long ago and was reminded in the worst way that I am a trailblazer. I’m the oldest so I broke-in my parents and made life easier for my siblings.
This church admits it’s still in its infancy. I’m among the first apart from the original church members to be a missionary. I have zero relationships with those who are steeped in The Way He has paved here.
I need someone packed with wisdom who can smear some of their anointing into my open wound so I may survive the deadly disease called sin. Now I have someone. Stay tuned.
If you would like to support me as an Intercessory Missionary, visit http://www.gofundme.com/FundEmiliana-BeBlessed. Send prayer requests to firstname.lastname@example.org. Blessings to you always in Jesus’ name. Amen.