Heartbreaking isolation

Heartbreaking isolation

My cousin is getting married in June. My aunt, her mother, who I’ve known since I was age 4 sent me an invitation. As soon as I saw the invitation, I knew I was doomed despite the promise I made last November to attend the wedding with my kids.
I called my aunt and asked if my parents and siblings were invited.
I’m an incest survivor. My father did it, mom knew about it and chose to do nothing about it.
Recently, my parents lost their second attempt to wrench my daughter from me citing severe abuse, neglect, mental illness. My father came before a judge and flat out lied that I was “sick and delusional.”
My aunt is well aware of this. My parents haven’t been in touch with her family for years yet they get an invitation. A pedophile has honor in my family. My parents don’t deserve to be around my children. A victim is further victimized, alienated by the ones closest to them, in this case my own cousin and aunt.
When she told me they were invited, I told her we wouldn’t be there. Mind you my kids are desperate for contact with family. As a direct result of the lawsuits over the last three years, not only did I lose my side of the family, I also lost my late husband’s family as well.
My husband died thinking that if I lost my family, at least I still had his but like cancer, my parents infected them with lies and deceit as pedophiles do. Consequently, we are an island. It has been the loneliest existence I have ever known. My kids have about 11 cousins they haven’t seen in more than three years.
When I hear about people like Kris Valloton who, when they first got saved, were given spiritual parents, I’m jealous. I WISH I HAD SPIRITUAL PARENTS. I wish someone would adopt our little family. After all, I’m the first to break the generational curse. Where is our spiritual family? We desperately need those close ties.
God is good all the time. I am blessed with at least two close friends. They are diamonds. Rocks in a weary land. Lights who shine in darkness, i.e., salt of the earth. But there’s nothing like familia with whom you share a common history, ancestry. Thanks to my parents, I have very few close family ties. The relative I’m closest to lives in Brooklyn, NY.
I’m Christian, but I need Jesus with skin on. I need a spiritual family here on earth. Jesus in Heaven can’t invite me out to a picnic, a dinner party, a BBQ. He can’t give me a hug. There’s no shoulder to cry on. He can’t watch my kids so I can have a night out with the girls.
If you are in a similar position, how do you move forward? How do you manage?

Boricua Confidential chronicles my new life as a single mom of two kids after my husband died from cancer on our son’s seventh birthday. Join me on this journey of change, revival, reformation, discovery and new direction ordered of God. Being a widow ain’t easy, that’s for sure. I refuse to rollover and die. Quite the contrary. I intend to thrive from this crazy life. You can’t keep this woman down. If I’m down, I won’t be for long.

God created me to bounce back. Watch me.


  1. All I couls say is wow, and that my prayers are with you but, I also have to admit that I must give you praise and admiration for sharing your life and being so honest about it. Then again, totally get it, you are boriqua after all. Sending you strength and love down your way.

  2. My heart and prayers are with you. It takes courage to break the chain….and you are teaching your children to be brave by your actions,just know you are NOT alone.

  3. Sadly, I can relate. I still have my husband’s family – though they mostly think I’m “a bit over the top” with my faith. But at least I have them.

    On my side, my situation is similar to yours. I am an incest survivor – at the hands of my father and then two step-cousins as well. When it all came out in my early 20’s, my father tried to deny it, but finally admitted it once in a heated phone conversation. My mother was on the line at the time, but when he died a short time later, she never spoke to me again. She got a neurological disease several years later that rendered her unable to speak so I don’t know if she ever would have come around, but I went for 9 years from my father’s death until hers without once speaking to her. And for 8 of those years, my only brother did not speak to me either. Now, he was always a good guy, but got his thinking twisted as your in-laws have and didn’t know what to do. The difference was that, 7 years in, the Lord got hold of him and he was saved…and then a year later he wrote me the most beautiful letter I’ve ever received, telling me his testimony, and we’ve been reconciled since then.

    But I have forever lost my extended family – because a recently-deceased aunt (my father’s sister) was the matriarch of the family and the step-mother of the boys who raped me – and she spent years trying to defend the memory of her brother and basically disrespecting me to anyone she could (and she claimed to have faith in the Lord, which made it all the harder). So that means I’ve basically had no contact with anyone in the family aside from my brother. Well, my uncle is a decent guy, and I spoke with him at my mother’s funeral (the only relative besides my brother who acknowledged my existence there) – but, really, I am dead to my whole family. My kids have no real knowledge of anyone there.

    I draw comfort from the fact that they are not people who are safe for my girls. And I do have it easier than you because I have my brother (and his wife and son). So my heart goes out to you. But what has really gotten me through has been making family connections with fellow believers – mainly in my church. I have three sisters in Christ who are like real sisters to me – and two of them have kids who are good friends with my girls. So I will pray for relationships like that for you and your kids in your new church; that can be what really helps. And, if I were closer, I’d adopt you. :^)

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