Day 16: My mother called, apologized

Day 16: My mother called, apologized

31 Days of God-related attitude 
Yep. I also was shocked when she called. If you want to catch up on our history, read, “The secret life of Bs.” Once again one of my besties was present for the call and can attest to the fact that I kept it together. I was respectful, gracious, light and polite.

No, she didn’t apologize for:

  • Dragging my behind through court at an expense that literally broke my bank and caused me to lose my home;
  • Lying in court about my parenting abilities, i.e., I was abusive, incompetent, engaged in severe neglect, etc.,;
  • Lying in court about the fact that she was concerned for my mental well-being during the court hearings process;
  • Denying visits with my son if she couldn’t visit with him alone;
  • Looking the other way instead of calling CPS to report incest by my father;
  • Defending me when my father was beating me;
  • Not attending our wedding in Lake Tahoe because we wouldn’t hold it at her house the day before;
  • Not attending my husband’s funeral to support her grandchildren; and
  • Any parenting mistakes she may have made that had a traumatic effect on me and, subsequently, my children.

She apologized for a mysterious text message she sent. The end.

I don’t have my parent’s phone numbers programmed on my cell phone so when I got the text a local phone number appeared. I guessed it might have been someone I recently met but didn’t know too well, i.e., someone I may have called once or twice. My response was simple: Who are you? Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who responded with that question.

Here’s how God works
The irony was that I had my cell phone on in my house on my desk directly in front of me. I broke rule number one: when I’m home, the cell phone is off. Period. The phone number was local so I answered. It was Mom. My heart leapt while my stomach sank. I’m certain she was hoping I wouldn’t pick up.

She explained why she called, that she accidentally sent a text intended for my daughter to a number of others by accident. She wanted to apologize for the confusion. I was floored. I couldn’t believe my ears. My mother actually apologized for SOMETHING!!! She sounded contrite and sincere.

Curb talk
Curb talk is the kind of conversation you have with your neighbors at the curb. For example, as you bring your garbage cans to the curb you say, “Hello. How are the kids? Hey, I like your new landscape. Which contractor did you use?” Basically, it’s all surface, nothing too deep or personally inquisitive. I attempted this with my mother.

She sounded as if she was eating something so I asked if what she was eating tasted good, i.e., what was it? She wasn’t eating. I think she mentioned that she was wearing an oral appliance. I don’t remember exactly but we actually were civil with each other for a millisecond.

Day 16 of 31 Days of God-related attitude on Boricua Confidential
My mother’s foot is in my front door.

I was proud of the fact that it came so naturally. She is my mom, after all, but I was just being myself. I can’t be anyone else. No gimmicks. Nothing phony. Just myself.

Is my mother starting to get it?
The director of my daughter’s group home told me that my daughter had had one of her nasty episodes with my mother. Perhaps as a result of that experience my mother was beginning to understand what was going on with her and why I had to do what I did when she was in high school.

It’s very possible this is the beginning of a very important thawing of relations between us. The reality is my brother lives in southern California and my sister on the east coast. She can’t rely on me for any kind of help in the event she becomes more needy because we don’t get along. Maybe, just maybe my mother’s heart is softening.

Thankful for small beginnings
I will continue to keep my distance for my own protection but her foot is in my front door. I think I’ll leave that door open in case she wants to come inside. It takes two to reconcile. I’m willing and ready. Is she? Stay tuned.

Do not despise the day of small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin.“–Zechariah 4:10a, NLT

What are you thankful for today?

Day 1, Savior
Day 2, Washing machine
Day 3, Prayer Room
Day 4, Two HP Printers
Day 5, Great teachers
Day 9, Lawyers
Day 10, Humor
Day 11, Dogs
Day 12, Singing
Day 13, A new home
Others blogging a 31-day series for October:

Boricua Confidential chronicles my new life as a single mom of two kids after my husband died from cancer on our son’s seventh birthday. Join me on this journey of change, revival, reformation, discovery and new direction ordered of God. Being a widow ain’t easy, that’s for sure. I refuse to rollover and die. Quite the contrary. I intend to thrive from this crazy life. You can’t keep this woman down. If I’m down, I won’t be for long.

God created me to bounce back. Watch me.

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