Depression is no joke
I was diagnosed with Major Depression in 2005. I had no idea that upon diagnosis I would become the family pariah. I had no clue the family didn’t believe in mental illness and counseling psychology. I didn’t have the kind of illness you could see, touch, smell or hear. It wasn’t as if I had a cast or bruise or other visible signs.
“Major depressive disorder or major depression is characterized by a combination of symptoms that interfere with a person’s ability to work, sleep, study, eat, and enjoy once-pleasurable activities. Major depression is disabling and prevents a person from functioning normally.Some people may experience only a single episode within their lifetime, but more often a person may have multiple episodes.”
I used to exercise alot. I walked up and down a very steep hill during lunchtime at work. Later I would take our 70-lb. dog for another three-mile walk after dinner. I felt so good. Stress felt manageable. My body shape was changing and my hubby noticed and liked what he saw. These days, my two little dogs rarely get the walks they so enjoy.
- Short-term disability forms for employer
- SSDI forms including: filling out forms authorizing information exchanges, requests, etc.
- COBRA forms to keep medical insurance
- Manifold forms for my daughter’s own mental illness including
- 1. Hospital admission forms
- 2. Outpatient program forms, questionnaires
- 3. A 30-page admit form for Utah safe house that required me to explain in detail what lead up to the illness, medical history, family histories, etc.
- 4. Another excruciatingly detailed online form for new lawyer to represent my daughter
- 5. Another 30-page admit form for Tennessee boarding school that required even more detailed and different information in addition to what I already prepared for the safe house above.
- 6. Application for SSA extension of benefits
- 7. Application for permanent disability status
- 8. Two separate appeals of SSA denials
- 9. New forms for new lawyer to appeal SSA denials
- 10. Tennessee Medicaid application
- 11. California Medicaid application
- 12. Conservatorship court papers, respond to requests for more information
- Bankruptcy intake forms for two different lawyers
- At least four attempts at a home loan remodification
The phrase that kills me most is, “All you have to do is …” Here’s what nubile pundits think I should do to solve my problems:
- Go for a walk
- Change your attitude
- Believe in yourself
- Get over it
- Exercise regularly
- Give it to God
- Believe God has your best in mind
- Pray more
- Journal about it
- Get a pet
Yes, Jesus is for you and me. However, Jesus is all about the journey, not necessarily the destination. I am not a fan of what I just said but I know it’s true. I think this depression crawl is now becoming a very slow walk uphill in five feet of snow. I’ve made progress but it’s the obstacles that are so overwhelming. What I know today is if I continue to stare at my circumstances and obstacles I won’t move. If I keep my eyes looking heavenward I’ll make it.
The battle is not yours. It’s the Lord’s. Surrender and stand. You’re not alone because I’m doing it with you. God bless you.
ABOUT BORICUA CONFIDENTIAL©™
Boricua Confidential chronicles my new life as a single mom of two kids after my husband died from cancer on our son’s seventh birthday. Join me on this journey of change, revival, reformation, discovery and new direction ordered of God. Being a widow ain’t easy, that’s for sure. I refuse to rollover and die. Quite the contrary. I intend to thrive from this crazy life. You can’t keep this woman down. If I’m down, I won’t be for long.
God created me to bounce back. Watch me.