31 Days of Intimacy with my Savior
“He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just
How beautiful You are and how great
Your affections are for me”
—How He loves by John Mark McMillan
When I was in high school, I was jealous of all the girls who had boyfriends. Wasn’t there someone who was cute, handsome, charming and affectionate that wanted to be with me? I wanted to hold their hands as I walked around campus. I wanted to discreetly kiss them during brunch and lunch breaks. I wanted to go out on dates to the movies, parties, restaurants, etc.
Rather than cultivate a relationship with my Savior so that I would easily recognize the one He had for me, I gave chase. I was stuck in that ugly cliché of looking for love in all the wrong places. I didn’t know what true love was so I made it up as I went along and found one dysfunctional man after another.
I didn’t realize perfect love, a kind of love where fear can’t exist, was available. Within my family of origin, love was royally skewed. Love was frequent beatings, demeaning words and actions, suppression of expression, and silence, the kind fraught with judgment, rage and resentment.
While I was busy chasing after other men, Jesus was chasing me. He was relentless. All He saw was my back. I didn’t know all I had to do was turn around and embrace Him with all my mind, soul, heart and strength.
He was jealous from the moment I first sneaked food and hoarded it inside my chest of drawers under my pajamas. I had a hole inside only He could fill. Since I didn’t know Him yet (raised Catholic), I took matters into my own hands and mouth.
He was jealous when I chased my first crush in sixth grade. He was jealous when I slept around until I got pregnant and married the person responsible. He didn’t receive my total devotion until I was in my 30s.
His heart burned for me. He wanted so much to tell me how important I was to Him. He wanted me to see myself the way He saw me. He wanted me to realize I didn’t need any man on this earth except Him.
His love was perfect, all consuming, ferocious. Had I met Him as a child my life could have been far different. I would have been able to put my pain in its true perspective.
But I’m not late. He’s mine today. He chased me and now I embrace Him wholeheartedly. I am jealous for Him. Until He comes again, he sees about me in my dreams. He lets me sit on His lap. He talks to me, laughs with me, sketches with me and with me when I study His Word.
He doesn’t need to be jealous any longer. This bride is ready for her bridegroom. I love you, Jesus. Come, my Love. Enter into my chamber with me. Let us be as one in the Spirit.
Other posts in this series
Day 1: Artist
Day 2: Beautiful
Day 3: Celebrate
Day 4: Delight
Day 5: Emotions
Day 6: Father
Day 7: Gracious
Day 8: Hilarious
Day 9: Inside
Day 10: Jealous
Day 11: Kindling
Day 12: Longing
Day 13: Mine
Day 14: Name
Day 15: Open
Day 16: Pleasure
Day 17: Quell
Day 18: Real
Day 19: Strength
Day 20: Tireless
Day 21: Unwavering
Day 22: Victorious
Day 23: Warmth
Day 24: Xenodochial
Day 25: Young
Day 26: Zealous