Day 4: Detachment

Day 4: Detachment

Often it takes detachment from someone or some circumstance to make forgiveness possible. One of the most intelligent decisions I can make is to forgive those from whom I have detached. Detachment was among the greatest gifts I received from my 12-step recovery experience.

I learned there are no victims, only volunteers. When I detach, I allow God to work. If I keep meddling, I get in God’s way and open myself up to more harm than good. The following comes directly from a 12-step flier. I read this every day. Check it out because it’s a game changer.

When I detach I let go of my obsession with someone else’s behavior and begin to lead a happier more manageable life. This includes a life with dignity and rights and a life guided by [Jesus and The Way].

I have learned:

  • Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people;
  • Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others even if it means helping someone else recover;
  • Not to do for others what they could do for themselves;
  • Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, __________ (fill in the blank);
  • Not to cover up for anyone’s mistakes or misdeeds;
  • Not to create a crisis; and
  • Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.

Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person of situation from which we are detaching. It is simply a means that allows us to separate ourselves from the adverse effects that another person’s problems can have upon our lives.

Detachment helps me look at my situation realistically and objectively, thereby making intelligent decisions possible.

Points to Ponder
Who is it that doesn’t deserve forgiveness? Why? When will you let them go? “You can’t keep a man down without staying down with him.”–Booker T. Washington

Enjoy this video. The most poignant lyric: “We are all just prisoners here of our own device.”

Posts in this series
Day 1: Pushing past the pain
Day 2: Stop feeling anger
Day 3: The Lord’s Prayer
Day 4: Detachment
Day 5: Grant a pardon
Day 6: Mercy
Day 7: Release
Day 8: Yield
Day 9: Give up resentment
Day 10: Sacrifice
Day 11: Ascribe
Day 12: Surrender
Day 13: No shame, no blame
Day 14: Awareness
Day 15: Acceptance
Day 16: Action
Day 17: Pain is growth
Day 18: Grace
Day 19: Emotional and spiritual maturity
Day 20: Compassion
Day 21: Don’t give up
Day 22: The house Love built
Day 23: Let the healing begin
Day 24: Freedom
Day 25: Trust God
Day 26: Believe
Day 27: Think positive
Day 28: Restoration
Day 29: My family legacy
Day 30: It’s worth it
Podcast: A little background on Forgiveness series

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